UCCSV Community,
As I transition out of being your pastor (my final day in the office is Monday, April 28th) I need to talk boundaries and guidelines with you so you're not surprised when certain things happen (like unfriending on facebook).
From our UCC Ethical Pastoral Ministry Ethical Departure guidelines:
“Every ministry has a beginning and an end. Moses and Elijah concluded their earthly ministries, entrusting their authority to others and believing that God would provide other leaders who could carry on the work of ministry and leadership to that community. Jesus ministered as an itinerant, always moving from place to place; in Mark 1:38 he says, “Let us go on to the neighboring towns, so that I may proclaim the message there also; for that is what I came to do.” Paul planted many churches and empowered other leaders to shepherd those communities after his departure; while his letters to those communities were filled with teaching, they also contained encouragement for those churches to listen to their current leaders. Even Jesus endowed the Church with the power to act in his name when he left earth following his ascension. Similarly, when pastors conclude their ministry in a setting, they depart in faith that Jesus’ words at the end of the Gospel of Matthew are true for them and for the congregations they depart: “Remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” This allows departing pastors to take their leave, trusting that God will continue to take care of those whom the pastor has served. This trust in God is especially essential at the time of departure, when the reality of the new boundaries becomes real and the temptations to cross those boundaries increase.
It is the expectation that, upon departure, a pastor will not return to serve that congregation or its congregants in a pastoral capacity. For a minimum of one to three years, a departing pastor will observe a no-contact boundary with congregants, thus helping congregants observe the same. This boundary enables the pastor to fulfill UCC Ministerial Code in support of their former church’s relationship-building with a new pastor.”
Given these expectations here is some important information you need to know in a “frequently asked questions” format about boundaries after I leave UCCSV:
Can you still visit or call me or otherwise provide pastoral care for me after April 28th?
Unfortunately, no. After April 28th I will no longer be your pastor. Until a new interim pastor arrives (hopefully early this summer) the Deacons will provide some pastoral care in concert with the retired clergy that are a part of the congregation.
Can I still call or text you or message you next month even if it’s not about seeking pastoral care?
Unfortunately, no. I will let a few people know that I am okay after my surgery on April 30th so they can share that with the congregation, but then I must ask for you to not contact me, even if it’s simply as a friendly gesture. This non-contact is not forever but it is for at least 1-3 years so that you can stop seeing me as your pastor and I can stop seeing you as my parishioners. The only exception to this is if someone dies or something major happens in your life you want me to know about like a marriage, a birth or similar event. Then please email me (I’ll still keep my HollyRJackson@gmail.com address for personal use) or talk to our Office Manager Shelly Moore who can get in touch with me.
Can you baptize me, perform my marriage, or officiate at my funeral?
Again, no. Because if I do that I am stepping in as your pastor when I should not be. You will have a new pastor who can do all those things with and for you.
What if I need to contact you as my Associate Conference Minister? What if I need to talk to you about a justice issue in your official capacity with the Conference?
You can email me as needed when I get a Conference email address or text me on my cell phone (the number will remain the same). And it’s likely I’ll see some of you at meetings or events in the wider church. I will always be happy to see you and I’ll gladly work with you around specific association or conference issues and I will probably ask you how you’re doing. But at least for a few years I will be cautious about keeping the proper boundaries and making sure I’m acting as your Associate Conference Minister and not as your pastor.
Are you moving? What if I run into you around town?
I am not moving out of Montgomery Village anytime soon so it’s possible you might see me around town. If you do I’d love to say hi and give you a hug if you’d like one. But then, at least for a year, I’ll wish you well and we’ll go our separate ways.
What about social media? I’m friends with you on Facebook or I follow you on Instagram?
The ethical guidelines state that: “Though difficult, it is recommended as a best practice for the departing pastor to unfriend/unfollow all congregants and others with whom they’ve had a pastoral relationship.” I’ll be honest with you this step may be the most difficult, but it’s also necessary. And more for me than it is for you. I cannot keep getting a window into your lives and truly make the separation that I need to in order to move on to my next ministry context and focus on my new position. It’s too tempting to keep acting as if I’m your pastor. Therefore, I will be unfriending or unfollowing everyone by no later than May 12th when I start the Associate Conference Minister position. It is likely I will set up a professional account as ACM on Facebook that will highlight the various churches I’m going to visit or justice issues I am working on. You may of course follow that account, but I will not be posting personal or family information on there and I will not be following anyone back. After at least a year, and maybe longer depending on how things go, if you choose to send me a friend request I will respond. But I will leave the re-friending up to you so that you can truly decide whether you can be in contact with me as a friend, but not as your pastor.
Do these same guidelines extend to the rest of your family?
No, they don’t. But I leave Patrick, Chloe, and Quinn to make their own decisions about what they need to do as we move through this leave-taking. They too will need time to separate and grieve this loss of community. If you have questions about continuing contact with them please talk to them directly.
Won’t all this be awkward?
Possibly. And it’s really hard. For some of us our lives have been intertwined for 8 ½ years. It feels a little like a death, which is hard and heartbreaking. But it’s important. I want this church to continue to grow and thrive and to do that you must connect well with your next pastor. In order to do that you will need to let go of me and I will need to let go of you. These guidelines make holding those boundaries possible.
Will you forget us when you’re in your new position?
ABSOLUTELY NOT! You will always be in my heart and soul. I will always pray for you and want the best for you. I will always love you. This church will always have a special place in my heart. I am the pastor and leader I am today because you chose to take a chance on me and call me as your pastor. This church taught me so much and it is had been my honor and privilege to serve among you. I do believe that many of us will cross paths again one day in various other contexts and when we do I will be overjoyed to see you and reconnect. I will never forget UCC Seneca Valley and all of you.
I will be at the Spirit Breakfast at Woodside Deli on Saturday morning at 10am and I look forward to celebrating our mutual ministry together on Sunday in worship at church. May God guide all of us until we meet again.
Peace,
Pastor Holly
